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[opening narration]
John Crichton: "My name is John Crichton, an astronaut. Radiation may of hit me, and I got shot through a Wormhole. Now I'm lost in some distant part of the Universe, on a ship - a living ship, full of strange alien life forms. Now, listen please. Is there anybody out there that can hear me? I'm being hunted by an insane military commander. I'm doing everything I can. I'm just looking for a way home.."

Gilina: "I can't believe you're not Sebacean."
John Crichton: "Human. It's kinda like Sebacean, but we haven't conquered other worlds yet, so we just kick the crap out of each other."

John Crichton: "You okay?"
Dominar Rygel XVI: "Okay? No I'm not okay. We're in mud."
Aeryn Sun: "You're Hynerian. You're aquatic, what's your problem?"
Dominar Rygel XVI: "Aquatic? That's water, not mud. Mud is... mud. You can't breathe in it, you can't move in it. It holds you, it grabs you, it sucks you down. You want to know about mud? I know about mud."
John Crichton: "Guy knows mud."

[to Rygel, in response to an unusual aspect of Hynerian physiology]
John Crichton: "You fart 'Helium'?"

John Crichton: "Hey. D'Argo... how come I'm not afraid?"
General Ka D'Argo: "Fear accompanies the possibility of death. Calm shepherds its certainty."
John Crichton: "I love hangin' with you, man."

[Moya and her crew have encountered a hostile ship]
John Crichton: "Have we sent the 'Don't shoot, we're pathetic' transmission yet?"

Aeryn Sun: "She gives me a woody."
[no one says anything]
Aeryn Sun: "Woody. It's a human saying. I've heard you say it often. When you don't trust someone or they make you nervous, they give you..."
John Crichton: "Willies. She gives you the willies."

[Scorpius wants to abduct Crichton and dissect him]
John Crichton: "Aeryn, if Scorpius gets me..."
Aeryn Sun: "I know, shoot you."
John Crichton: "No. No, no. Shoot him."

General Ka D'Argo: "Well, now I can only speak truth, and that comes as good and bad news."
John Crichton: "All right, give me the bad news first."
General Ka D'Argo: "The bad news is that you're married, and you must endure as a statue for eighty cycles in a strange world."
John Crichton: "What's the good news?"
General Ka D'Argo: "Chiana and I are having fantastic sex."

[said to a complaining newcomer]
John Crichton: "Welcome to the Federation Starship SS Buttcrack."
[Slaps his own rear end]

Aeryn Sun: "This is a bad combination: Zhaan distracted, Crichton confused."
General Ka D'Argo: "Crichton is always confused."

Captain Biallar Crais: "You have no idea where we're going. We could be going around in circles."
John Crichton: "We're not going in circles, nimrod, 'cause we've never been here before. We're completely lost."

John Crichton: "That's your plan? Wile E. Coyote would come up with a better plan than that."

Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan: "Crichton says he's experiencing the future."
Aeryn Sun: "He can barely function in the present."

Aeryn Sun: "We have a situation up here."
John Crichton: "I'm sure it's not any more interesting than the one down here."
Aeryn Sun: "Remember Rygel's assassination attempt? He caused it himself. His body fluids have turned explosive."
John Crichton: "I stand corrected."

John Crichton: "I try to save a life a day... usually it's mine."

Scorpius: "Go on. Kill her. Then we'll have pizza and margarita shooters. Do it. Do it."
[aims gun at Scorpius instead]
John Crichton: "Nobody has margaritas with pizza."

John Crichton: "Does this strike any of you superior beings as a little bit ironic?"
Chiana: "Why?"
John Crichton: "I'm the deficient one, and I'm still saving your butts."

Dominar Rygel XVI: "No dominar from the House of Rygel ever travels in reverse."
John Crichton: "Turn around, pretend you're heading forward."

John Crichton: "Lately,. do I seem, a little crazy to you?"
Aeryn Sun: "What do you mean, 'lately'?"

General Ka D'Argo: "Something Crichton said is disturbing me."
Dominar Rygel XVI: "Finally. I've been saying that since he arrived."