Inspector Morse
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Inspector Morse


Morse: "I always drink at lunchtime. It helps my imagination."

Morse: "When I'm thinking, I get thirsty."

Morse: "Isn't it your round?"
Lewis: "Do you think another one's a good idea?"
Morse: "Think? That's why I want it - to think. I don't drink for pleasure!"

Morse: "Is this a dagger which I see before me? I'd rather see a pint."

Morse: "There's always time for one more pint."

Morse: "Drink that, Lewis, and loosen some brain cells."

[on the drinkability of Australian lager]
Morse: "They don't spell Australian beer with four Xs out of ignorance."

Morse: "The secret of a happy life is to know when to stop - and then go that bit further."

Lewis: "You're not going to believe this, Sir - we have to visit a brewery!"

Lewis: "Was death instant?"
Morse: "Instantaneous, Lewis. Coffee may be instant, death may not."

Morse: "Allowing the pages of The Sun to pass before your eyes, Lewis, does not amount to reading."

[as Lewis makes a chance remark which unwittingly provides Morse with a major clue]
Morse: "You've done it again, Lewis!"

Morse: "Where's Lewis? I want Lewis!"

Morse: "Lewis..!"

Morse: "Morse. Everyone just calls me Morse."

[episode "Death is Now My Neighbour": Morse reveals the closely-guarded secret of his first name]
Adele Cecil: "This anagram: 'Around Eve'? I've tried and I've tried, but all I can come up with is 'Endeavour'. And no-one's called Endeavour. Surely?"
Morse: "I told you, my mother was a Quaker. And Quakers sometimes call their children names like Hope and Patience. My father was obsessed with Captain Cook, and his ship was called Endeavour. Why aren't you both laughing?"
Lewis: "You poor sod."
Adele Cecil: "I'm not calling you 'Endeavour'."
Lewis: "Call him 'Sir'. He likes that."
Adele Cecil: "Oh no. No, I'll stick to 'Morse' - like everyone else."
[raises beer glass]
Morse: "Cheers."

[after Morse has been hit on the head]
Morse: "'Tis not so wide as a church door nor so deep as a river, but 'tis enough."

Morse: "Get an ambulance to Hanbury House. Fast as you can. Some fool in a sports car just drove into a tree!"

[pointing a gun at Morse]
Hugo De Vries: "I'm going to kill you. Or am I?"

[in the Pitt Rivers Museum]
Morse: "Is this stuff valuable?"
Jane Cotterell: "Some of it, very. But of course all the most valuable artifacts are checked regularly."
Morse: "And which are they?"
Jane Cotterell: "Well the most popular - the things people most want to pinch - are the shrunken heads."
Morse: "I know plenty of people with shrunken brains."

Helen Buscott, Baydon's secretary: "The Secretary of State wonders if you can spare a word."
Andrew Baydon: "Knobhead! That's a word I can spare - knobhead!"

Morse: "Have you ever thought about the person who designed the sports skirt? Somebody sat down, drew a fantasy and made it compulsory uniform. I can never watch Wimbledon without thinking of that man."